Normally on Mondays I wake up dreading the beginning of the week. My alarm clock blares in my ear as the thought of crawling out from underneath my cozy, warm comforter only causes me to burrow further under the blankets on my bed. In the end, I procrastinate the moment when I will slip out into the chilly air, until I am forced to scurry down the stairs before I wet myself. But for some reason, today was different. I awoke with energy, excited to start the day. And I remember my first thought was: I am determined to make this a wonderful day. Well, little did I know this was less of a positive attitude and more of motivation I would need as the day went on.
Anyways, I jumped out of bed, quickly got ready for class, grabbed some breakfast, and headed out the door. I was running a little earlier than normal so that I could get a few documents sent to a classmate for a project. When I got to the school, the entrance doors were covered with colorful post-it notes, all greeting visitors of the building with “welcome” and “thanks for coming” etc. I thought it was adorable, and just another sign that today would be a random, lovely day. Then class started.
As our guest speaker first began to give us her presentation, I was eager to pay attention. Unfortunately for me, my mind often wanders…. The first thing that got it going was her strong British accent and use of slang. I started thinking about all British movies I had seen and my hope to study abroad in London next year. But the moment that got me in trouble had nothing to do with what she was saying or how she spoke. It had to do with tampons.
Just before leaving my house for class, I noticed two tampons on the living room table. For some reason, this image came back to me as I was listening to the presentation. I wondered why they were just lying there, and then started to wonder what a guy would think of seeing them. From that point it was a downward spiral. I thought of what I guy would think of seeing the tampons sitting there. Sure, girls are supposed to be dainty, but I have often found that they are more willing to talk about a lot of disgusting topics than guys (especially when it comes to bodily functions and girls). What kind of response could one illicit with a detailed description of the function of a tampon and how to use it? I can only imagine the look on the guy’s face who heard this to be priceless. Yet as my mind raced on, following the tampons down this ridiculous path, the guest speaker was simultaneously delving deeper into her speech. To my horror, we locked eyes. “YOU”
My mind was racing. What had just happened? I quickly looked at the power point – “Methods of Thinking.” Okay, not helping so much. I was supposed to answer a question, I got that much, but WHAT?! As I sat there, stammering at the back of the class, I could feel everyone’s eyes bear into me. All my classmates were waiting for some sort of intelligible response, as well as several professors in the advertising department who came to sit in on the speech. Yet all I could think of were the two tampons sitting on the living room table. “Well, I, uh..” tampons, tampons. “When it comes to thinking…” Tampons, Tampons, “I guess, I kind of…” TAMPONS, TAMPONS!!
To make matters worse, any question about thought process would be best not asked of me because of my many erratic thoughts and contemplations. By the time the tampons began to fade, I recalled thinking once about what life would be like if I were born a squirrel. Was this really what I wanted to give as an answer to our guest speaker?!
Eventually the moment passed with a horrible metaphor involving a toolbox and a screwdriver, leaving my to slump down in my seat, red as a strawberry, and wondering what sort of bimbo blonde college girl this U.K. Advertising guru thinks I am. Damn it!
Needless to say, that whole “I am determined to make this a wonderful day” ended up being a little harder than I thought.
Oh yeah… and she it supposed to guest speak in my class tomorrow too. Greeeaaaat.