Today everybody is worried about sunlight and its leading to skin cancer. As the summer months near, you can hardly turn on the television or flip open a magazine without hearing about UV rays, SPF, and the tanning craze that is rapidly killing us all. Yet with all this talk about the sun, many forget another hazard of venturing outdoors during the nicer months: bird poo.
Sure this may seem like a joke to some, but having been shat on 3 times now, I am here to say the hazard is real.
The thing is, I really don’t know what I did to deserve this barrage of bird droppings. I love seeing birds in our backyard and grew up setting out seeds, filling the bird bath, and building bird houses. One, of course, might then assume I just happen to be around the animals so much that the poo incidents were bound to happen. The only problem with this theory, however, lies in the fact that I have never once had a bird in my backyard be part of this problem. Hmmmm. Perhaps I was a bald eagle poacher in a past life….
Either way, here are a few things I have learned through my experience as a bird poo bull’s eye:
1. You are at the greatest risk when surrounded by trees. In none of my experience was I very far from a tree, whether they dotted the area I was in or completely covered the sky from view.
2. Movement does not spare you from becoming a target. In my most recent incident I was hit while in the middle of a run.
3. You will never get sympathy. Whether you look for it from the bird or your close friends, sympathy will surely not be found. Expect, instead, to see them double over laughing, or simply flying away.