The following is a text conversation that a friend of mine and I recently had…
B: A raccoon broke into my house and stole my phone. I had to chase it down. We fought hand to hand. He surrendered my phone. That is why I didn’t respond to you until now.
ME: Wow. Same thing happened to me last week. Only it was a woodchuck. And it tried to take my van. We fought with machetes.
B: I can totally picture a woodchuck wielding a machete standing in front of a van.
ME: That is nothing compared to the armadillo that tried to take my end table with a scythe. I had to let that one go.
B: I feel so sorry for you. What do you set your alarm on now.
ME: A small coffee table with butterfly tiles on it. Seriously.
B: That armadillo is a bitch for leaving you with that. Did you report it to the police?
ME: I would have, but there is bad blood between the armadillo and the moose mafia and I am pretty sure they have some moles in the Eugene Police Dept.
B: When did the armadillos and the moles team up? I’m scared to cross my street at night now.
ME: Actually, the moles are on our side. I was speaking more of an undercover armadillo in teh Eugene Police Dept (aka a mole). It’s all very confusing and I think the moles have suffered a lot of casualties for it.
B: I’ve been up since 5:45 and I need some sleep. Tell the moles I am rooting for them.
ME: I will pass the word along. Good timing too. I think one of our informants is coming at 0600 tomorrow morning. Hard to tell though. It’s a pretty underground operation.